


So Steady as she Goes

by JeremyBearimy



Series: Gay to Me [1]
Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, Fluff and Smut, Sharing a Bed, eventual spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-03-26 09:45:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19003270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JeremyBearimy/pseuds/JeremyBearimy
Summary: Jen and Judy go away on a grief retreat in Palm Springs. But in this version Judy never meets Nick.





	1. Here We Go Again . . .

**Author's Note:**

> This will be an ongoing series based off of scenes and episodes I thought had incredible gay potential. There won't be any spoilers in Part I if you've watched episode 5

“Oh my god, your shoulders are getting pink!”

“God, you  _ are _ codependent.”

“Right?” Judy rubbed sunscreen into her palm, immediately lathering it over the smooth, exposed skin of Jen’s shoulder. She’d use any excuse to get just a bit closer to her, but she let Jen scoop the sunscreen from her hand to apply to her other shoulder, because what excuse did she have to continue touching her?

“Is it weird that I like it?” Jen asked; Judy smiled inwardly. It was nice to feel needed, by anyone.

“I love that you like it.” Judy wasn’t used to feeling appreciated. Jen’s words sat warmly within her, filling her with the validation she so much craved. She was afraid it might’ve shown on her face a bit too much; how happy it made her. It was gross. Jen would think it was gross. Or at least pretend she did. So she tried to shake the expression on her face, the one that made her look like a stray puppy who’d just been welcomed into a warm home with a loving family. Which, she thought, was kind of what she was. But luckily Jen spoke up quickly.

“You know what I also like?” Jen said in a voice she thought a bit too suggestive. Judy couldn’t help but hope her friend was about to say something about  _ her _ . Something like, “You know what I also like? That I get to spend this weekend with you,” or “You know what I also like? How much you care about me,” something like that. But her comment was about having a margarita by the pool which, while completely valid, was a bit disappointing.

“Oh!” she started, trying not to express her disappointment, and at that, Jen ordered another. At this point Judy was getting a bit worried about her friend’s wellbeing. She knew the blonde could be a bit of a firecracker even sober, so God only knew how she’d behave two margaritas deep at 11 in the morning, “Okay, well, codependent reminder to hydrate. Because it’s 11:30 in the morning and you have to pace yourself.” The stubborn woman’s only response was to blow a raspberry with her tongue. Maybe drunk Jen meant childish Jen, Judy thought, but Jen was always a bit childish—in an endearing way anyways—that made Judy feel even more needed. Before Jen could get in another word, she sprayed more sunscreen into her hand. “Wait, your chest is getting pink.”

“Oh?” Jen knitted her eyebrows together and tried to look down at her own chest.

“I’ve got it,” Judy tried to hold an indifferent expression as she brought her hand to the bottom of Jen’s neck and began to sweep sunscreen along her collarbone.

Hardly paying attention to the hand on her chest, she continued. “Yeah well, this is me pacing myself. And I wanna be very clear.  _ Mommy _ can do whatever she wants.”

Judy now began to rub a bit lower, still feigning indifference. “Ohhhh,” she almost laughed, “Is Mommy calling herself Mommy?”

“Mommy is,” Jen was laughing a bit now too, but finally paying attention to her friend’s touch, which was moving dangerously low, now skimming the tops of her breasts. “Alright alright Jesus, Judy. Is my cervix looking pink too? You wanna rub some sunscreen there?”

Judy pulled her hand away quickly, trying to hide the bright red rising in her cheeks. But she knew Jen was only joking with her and she tried to throw it back. “I mean if that’s what you want, but the sunscreen would probably screw up your pH balance,” the brunette immediately moved her eyes back to her book, trying to look nonchalant.

“Damn, really? Too bad then,” Jen went back to sipping like nothing had happened, but Judy was still trying to hide the blush that was probably spreading over her neck now. Luckily Pastor Wayne approached them and pulled their attention away from each other. She’d never been so happy to see that man.

 

…

 

“You know what? There’s some really fun gay bars downtown. We could go dancing,-” Judy had to stop herself from getting her hopes up. But gay bars, really? She bit her tongue and waited to see where this was going. “-get completely ignored. It could be super fun.”

Judy sighed inwardly. That probably wouldn’t be a very safe idea for her. She was already being inappropriate around Jen and having trouble keeping her distance. But dancing with her? That would be too much. And she already knew Jen must be an incredible dancer. She wasn’t ready to embarrass herself that much in front of someone who could probably dance circles around her. 

Deciding it was in her best interest to veto the idea, she started with “Maybe. But there’s also a lot of fun stuff to do here.” And even  _ she _ knew that wasn’t true as soon as she said it. Fun was a strong word to describe the activities happening at this retreat.

“Hmm,” Jen seemed to ponder for a moment, but her eyes drifted away from her friend. “I see one fun thing I can do.”

Judy jerked her head quickly to see what she was looking at. Of course, she thought, some hunk. Some reason for Jen to spend time away from her. Nevertheless with some random piece of eye candy. She should’ve thought of that. Of course Jen would be horny. Now she was kicking herself for not taking her up on the gay bar offer. Even if she was embarrassing herself in front of her Jen would at  _ least  _ be paying attention to her. She swallowed, pretending to be equally interested. “Oh God, I see that too,” but quickly threw in, “But, according to the brochure, this is a time of healing and self-exploration.” Oh God, she thought, is  _ self-exploration _ too suggestive? She realized at this point there was no talking Jen out of it, from the way she gently bit down on her straw and eye-fucked the man in front of her, completely distracted as she let out a disingenuine “okay”. Judy felt a pang of jealousy that was unwelcome along with the small wave of arousal that came with the face the blonde was making. She wished Jen would just once look at her like that.

 

…

 

_ Carry On-Oke. How clever is that? _ Judy was relieved to finally be back with her friend, doing something  _ fun _ , at that. They could sit together at the bar and drink in their own little bubble like they were used to. And she could bask in the fact that she was here with the hottest woman on this entire retreat. Jen always looked amazing, but her outfit tonight? Jesus. She looked like Heaven on a stick.

“Speaking of which,” Jen glanced around, “Who do you like? Look around.”

She appreciated Jen’s enthusiasm as far as being her wing-woman, but she was too entranced by her to pay attention to any man here. “No,” she said a bit too quickly. “No, I’m gonna have one drink, and then I’m gonna go back to the room, and I’m gonna journal, and meditate, and spend the night with me.” That was actually one of the most honest things she said all day, she thought. She  _ was _ gonna spend the night with herself.

Jen sighed, “okay go be healthy and boring.”

She realized she might’ve been a tad too quick to say no, so she brought her excuse in a different direction. “I’m not really prepared anyways. For, you know,  _ that _ .”

Jen’s face scrunched up curiously, “Prepared how?” she asked as she cocked her head to the side.

“Downstairs. My poontang,” she whispered, remembering they were in a public place. She wondered if she was only making this worse.  _ Should I really be drawing her attention to my pussy right now? _

Jen lifted her eyebrows, breathing a soft gasp as if she’d just told her something precious and endearing and not about her ungroomed pubic hair. “You said poontang,” she said happily.

“I did. I know. It’s not sexy, right?”

“It’s a gross word,” Jen agreed. “So what kind of landscape are we talking?”

The heat was rising in Judy’s cheeks again. She thought she’d be off the hook by now.  _ Is she seriously asking for a full description of my . . . poontang? _ “Oh, it’s lush,” was all she said, thinking that was the least graphic way to put it.

“Oh,” Jen cringed. “Well. That shouldn’t be a problem. Come on, look at you. I’m sure at least half the guys here wanna get with you. Just lean in, baby.”

Judy sighed, “Really? Thank you.” That excuse didn’t work as well as she’d hoped, but at least now she knew Jen found her attractive. And she couldn’t help the giddiness that came with Jen calling her “baby” even if it was in a casual way. But of course, the hunk was here, and immediately caught Jen’s attention.

“I still think I’m gonna sit tonight out. But I fully support you getting laid.”

 

…

 

While she watched the two of them dance together—well, really only Jen was dancing—she couldn’t help but regret not taking her up on the gay bar idea. That could be  _ her _ Jen was dancing on right now. And maybe they’d both be drunk. And maybe Jen would be grinding on her. And maybe people would think they were a couple and tell them how hot they were together. And maybe Jen might even play along and pretend they  _ were _ together. She couldn’t stop mentally kicking herself. Nor could she look away from Jen. Who  _ was _ a damn good dancer. It was truly frustrating, how sexy Jen was. The more Jen shook her ass against that guy’s jeans the tighter she squeezed her own legs together, wishing she could be him. But at least she got to see, for now. A sight that was very brief, because soon after they were leaving together.  

She gave Jen a thumbs-up, of course, because she was a supportive friend and needed Jen to know that. And, jealous or not, she was happy for her. She wished it could have just been the two of them tonight, but that didn’t mean she didn’t want Jen to enjoy herself. She knew the woman  _ deserved _ to blow off some steam. But God, she still wished it could have been with her. This was all alright though. Jen was happy, so she was too. Aside from being hot and bothered, she was perfectly fine, she told herself.

After waiting until Jen was completely gone, she decided to head directly back to the room. She couldn’t let this fire burn between her legs any longer. Now it was impossible to get the image of Jen’s hips swaying and ass shaking out of her head. She decided it was time she did focus on herself.

When she got back to the hotel room, she tried journaling for a bit, but she couldn’t focus. She tried meditating too, but she couldn’t get her mind off of Jen. She really tried to distract herself; to think of  _ anything _ else, but she couldn’t help but be brought back to earlier that day. Remembering the feeling of her hand on Jen’s chest, the image in her mind kept bringing it lower. Her hand now made its way under the top of Jen’s dress, feeling the warm skin of her breasts. And Jen wasn’t making any snarky comments. Her eyes were closed, her breath hitched, and she was waiting for more, waiting for Judy’s hand to make its way down her legs . . . to start inching up the bottom of her dress . . . to slide her hand up the inside of her thigh and-

“Ugh!” Judy groaned with annoyance. Her hand had made its way up her own dress and was now between her own legs, where she hadn’t willed it to go. She pulled her hand away quickly and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head erratically as if that might somehow shake the thoughts from it. She now got off of her bed and ran to the bathroom. Holding the sides of the sink, she stared at herself in the mirror and sighed.  _ Snap out of it, Judy! _ She was now slapping herself in the face, like maybe  _ that _ might knock the thoughts out. Before leaving the bathroom she threw cold water in her face.

After her little fit, she made her way back to her bed, sitting on top of the covers with her journal in hand. She didn’t have any idea of what to write. Every time she started writing she thought of Jen. She couldn’t stop picturing the two of them dancing together at one of those gay bars, Jen’s hips and ass backing up against her, her holding Jen’s hips and letting herself grind on her body. Maybe Jen would turn towards her while they were dancing and grab her hips and be rough with her. Maybe Jen would grab her ass or slap it, for appearances, of course. 

Now she threw her journal off the bed with frustration. This was not going to work. She knew she had to stop thinking about Jen like this. Not only was it never happening, but she didn’t deserve to have her like that. She hardly deserved to have her has a friend as it was.

It didn’t matter anymore, though. She was alone and she couldn’t help it. The dress had to come off. She couldn’t keep her hands off of herself any longer. At least she could pretend they were Jen’s.

  
  



	2. . . . You've Found Yourself a Friend . . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen's night doesn't go as planned.

Making her way back to her hotel room, Jen cursed herself for even trying to hook up with someone here. Of course she wasn’t enough to get that guy’s mind off his dead wife for just  _ one _ night.  _ Seriously _ ? She was _ on top _ of him, she was about to  _ fuck _ him and he couldn’t even pay attention to her for five minutes. It was stupid of her to get her hopes up like that; to get herself all worked up. Her own husband wouldn’t even touch her for over a year, why would some random widower want to?

At least before she hadn’t teased herself first. It was one thing to get nothing at all, but to get so hot and worked up for no payout was just depressing. Now she had to ignore the moisture and heat between her legs. Judy probably wasn’t back yet, she figured, so she might have time to finish what she started herself if she locked the door.  _ How fucking depressing _ , she thought again. At this point she hardly even wanted to, the mood had been sufficiently destroyed.

She now slipped her card into her hotel room door, and the first thing she noticed was that the lights were on, which meant she wouldn’t get that alone-time she needed. But at least she’d have Judy, and she needed her right now.

 

…

 

Judy had now given up on all hesitation, her hand working determinedly under her panties that were almost soaked through. She felt like a hormonal teenage boy. Sure, she touched herself when she  _ wanted _ to, but never before had she been so unable to resist. It was almost shameful how desperate she was, and for another  _ woman _ . She’d hardly experienced anything like this before. She’d had small woman crushes before, but nothing even remotely like this; nothing that really prompted her to rethink her sexuality. While she was busy picturing Jen taking her by the hand at one of those gay bars, bringing her into the bathroom, roughly pushing her up against the wall, pulling up her dress and shoving a hand down the front of her panties, she didn’t seem to notice the door swing open. That is, not until she heard “ _ Judy!? _ ” from the other side of the room.

With a loud gasp she ripped her hand away and scrambled to get under the covers, yanking them up over her waist. She was in nothing but a bra and panties. Jen had never seen her like this before, especially not with her hands inside of both.

“Jen! Jesus! What happened with that guy!? I thought you said you were gonna fuck him! You’ve barely been gone 20 minutes!” Judy couldn’t even look up at her. She was too ashamed. She felt very sure she had never been so embarrassed in her life. The blush in her cheeks now covered her neck and shoulders and tears threatened to leave her eyes. There was no response from Jen, who she wouldn’t look at, but the silence forced her to slowly lift her head and peer over. Jen’s arms were folded, a very satisfied smirk tugging at her lips. Judy looked down again. “Will you not look at me like that!” No response. “Can you please at least say something? Or leave so I can get dressed?”

Jen finally broke her silence. “So this is what ‘focusing on you’ looks like, huh?” she teased.

“Jen. Please. This is not funny. This is mortifying. Will you just leave for a minute so I can get dressed with a little bit of dignity?”

“Hmmm,” Jen, instead of leaving, came closer and sat on the side of Judy’s bed. Judy was holding her blanket up over her chest. “I’ve had a shitty night, okay? Just let me enjoy this for a minute.”

“Ugh,” Judy grabbed the blanket and pulled it over her face.

“Sorry you didn’t get to finish. I didn’t either,” she paused, “well. I barely even got to start. So I guess we’re both hot and bothered.”

Judy picked up on the sadness in her voice and decided to stop wallowing in her own humiliation. She pulled the blanket down enough to still cover her chest and sat up, her arms crossed over it to keep herself covered. She closed her eyes and sighed. “Honey, what happened?”

Jen shrugged. “What I should have expected. Guy couldn’t stop thinking about his dead wife. He wanted me to go."

“Ouch.”

“Well, it’s not like he kicked me out, I wanted to get the hell out of there.”

Judy put a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry you had such a shitty night.”

Turning around to face Judy, she muttered a “thanks”. She dropped her head onto Judy’s shoulder, who wrapped an arm around her and rubbed her soothingly. “I told you Ted didn’t touch me for over a year. I guess I’m just sad because I,” she sniffled, “feel so unwanted. Like God dammit I  _ threw _ myself at him and,  _ nothing _ ,” she whispered and shook her head, “It sounds pathetic, I know.”

Judy raised her eyebrows “Hey, no no no. It’s not pathetic at all. Everyone wants to feel wanted, or be touched now and then. You’re human. And fuck Ted for making you feel like that.”

“Yeah,” Jen said sadly, “yeah, fuck Ted,” she sniffled again, “I’m such a fucking catch,” she tried to joke but the words came out in a tearful cry.

“Yes you are, you’re such a catch,” Judy squeezed her shoulder. She was filled with rage again at the thought of Ted making her feel that way. Almost mad enough to make her feel justified in what she’d done to him, even if she knew she wasn’t. But how could he treat her like that? How could he make her feel like that? He had the most beautiful woman and he wouldn’t even touch her. And because of her breasts? Because she didn’t want to die a tragic death? Disgusting.

“I just want to feel  _ wanted _ ,” Jen said as she pushed away a tear with the back of her thumb. “But no one even wants to  _ touch _ me.”

There was a long silence between them. A heavy one at that. Judy knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to say it so bad. But she knew it might ruin everything. She was weighing her options now. It might ruin everything they have, yes, but it also might make everything so much better. So she decided she was going to try.

“Jen?” Jen looked up at her, her sparkling blue eyes rimmed with tears, a pout in her lips that she’d seen far too many times, that she knew Jen tried to keep from showing, because it made her feel vulnerable, but she felt comfortable enough with Judy to let herself be vulnerable. The half-naked woman was now taking a deep, shaky breath, her eyes pointed down toward the bed. Under her breath she muttered “I do,” so quiet that Jen barely heard.

Jen sniffled and blinked, “you- you do what?”

Judy’s heart was now pounding out of her chest, mostly out of fear but there was a hint of excitement at the simple prospect of anything happening. She looked off to the side and took another deep breath, closing her eyes as she said “I want to touch you.”

Now sitting up straight, Jen raised her eyebrows. “You want-”

“Yes. I do,” Judy interrupted her.

After another long, heavy silence, Jen said “you can.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is super short I know but, I thought this would be a fun place to end it.


	3. . . . That Knows You Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They seem to be very good friends.

Judy’s eyes were wide open now, her eyebrows raised curiously. “Seriously?” she asked timidly.

“Yes,” Jen whispered. But she knew Judy wouldn’t. She was sitting there completely frozen. So Jen took the initiative of pulling her own legs up onto the bed with her and turning towards Judy, whose eyes were still wide open in disbelief. Without a word, and with little resistance from Judy, Jen gripped the top of the blanket gently and pulled it back until the brunette’s body was completely exposed. “Lie back. It’s okay,” Jen whispered, and Judy laid back as she was asked, watching as two knees made their way to either side of her hips to straddle her waist. Breathing heavily, she watched as the blonde slowly unbuttoned her shirt and let it slide off of her shoulders, revealing a lacy black bra that made the plain nude-colored bra with the ripped strap that she was wearing feel far inferior. “You’re beautiful,” Jen said before leaning down to kiss her collarbone softly. Judy was now humming softly, still in shock that this was happening, but not shocked that Jen would be the one to completely take control. She relished in the feeling of Jen kissing along her jawline until she made her way to her ear. “Unhook your bra for me, sweetie,” she whispered. Judy nodded, she reached under her own back obediently and fumbled with her hook until her mind cleared up enough for her to remember how a bra works. When it was finally unhooked Jen sat up again and hooked her fingers under the straps on Judy’s shoulders, tugging it forward until it was off completely.

“Oh, fuck,” Jen said softly as she brought a hand to Judy’s chest and slid it down until she was cupping one of her breasts, and then did the same with the other. Focusing on the sensation, the brunette closed her eyes and sighed contentedly. “So beautiful,” Jen whispered again, admiring the blush that was spreading over her neck. The two were always able to be completely vulnerable with each other, but of course, never like this. Judy hadn’t felt this nervous in a long time. She’d never done this with a woman before, and to make matters worse, she’d just humiliated herself in front of said woman, it almost felt like she was a teenager doing this for the very first time again. 

Jen closed her fingers around the still woman’s nipples until they were hard against her touch. A sensation she truly missed, so she took her time paying attention to them and brought her lips down over them, gently kissing and sucking the way she’d always liked it done to her. She listened to Judy let out a soft “ _ Ah _ ” from under her and it brought a hint of a smile to her lips. Between her legs, she could feel Judy starting to squirm a bit out of arousal, which filled her with pride. She hadn’t felt able to satisfy someone in so long. Lifting her mouth from Judy’s breasts, she moved up until her eyes were aligned with the chocolate-brown puppy eyes beneath them, which stared up at her with so much admiration and love that she thought she might melt right then and there. That love and admiration had always been there, but she never truly appreciated it until this moment.

Finally she brought her lips down to Judy’s. Judy kissed her like no one else ever had. Her hands now wrapped around Jen and tangled themselves into trusses of curly blonde hair, pulling her in as close as possible, as if trying to join them both together as one. Judy was kissing her like she was the most valuable thing in the world, and she knew she’d never felt anything like that before. 

When their lips finally separated Judy looked up at Jen, wide-eyed and full of affection, and whispered “I fucking love you, Jen.”

“I know you do,” Jen laid a gentle kiss on her forehead and ran a hand down her cheek, “I fucking love you too,” Jen added before kissing her way down Judy’s chest and stomach until reaching the waistband of her panties. She laid a gentle kiss over the cotton and crawled back up to kiss her lips once again. “Are you okay?”

Judy nodded and moved her hands to Jen’s hips, her fingers gliding over the waistline of her pants to the button which she slowly released, pulling their zipper down. “Can I take these off?” Jen nodded silently and climbed off of Judy to take them off herself. She was wearing panties that matched the bra, of course, because she was hoping to get laid tonight. As she climbed back on top of Judy she could see the awe in her face. “God, Jen, you are so gorgeous.”

Unable to hide the happiness that brought her, Jen smiled and brought her lips back down to Judy’s. “Thank you,” she whispered. Now her hand was sliding down Judy’s stomach and over the front of her panties until she was between her legs, feeling the soaking wet spot that had already been there but was only getting wetter. The brunette let out a soft little “ _ mmm _ ” which Jen took as a good sign. “Is this okay?” she asked affectionately. Judy’s eyes were closed, her lips pursed together tightly as she bit down on her lip, and she nodded slowly. She would have said yes, but there was no way she could speak, especially when Jen slid a hand under her panties. “That is lush,” she muttered to herself, making Judy’s eyes pop open and one eyebrow shoot up.

Still barely able to talk, Jen’s hand exploring a bit more, she breathed through, “is- is that- oh  _ God, Jen _ , is that a pro-oblem?”

Jen shook her head, “No, sweetie, I’m teasing you.”

“Jesus, yeah you are.”

With a touch of pride, Jen smirked, making her way down deeper with her two fingers. She dipped them inside gently and dragged them back up and out, spreading Judy’s wetness over and around her clit until she was lightly bucking against her hand. “Wow, I came here at the right time. Someone’s sensitive,” she comments as she swipes her fingers through the length of her sensitive flesh.

“You could say that,” Judy says, breathing heavily. Jen continued working on her with one hand, but held onto the back of her head tightly, taking in a fistful of her dark brown locks as she moved her mouth back to meet Judy’s lips.

Judy’s hands moved from Jen’s hips to the small of her back and slowly crept up. Judy was still very nervous, so she was being cautious, but she reached for the back of Jen’s bra and slowly began to unhook it.

Jen’s eyes popped open in alarm. No one had seen her chest completely bare since the surgery. Except for Ted of course, and he was, well, revolted.

“Is this, not okay?” Judy asked awkwardly.

“Yeah it’s just . . . Maybe we should leave this on. You probably don’t wanna see,” she said shyly. She’d let herself be very vulnerable in front of Judy before but, not this vulnerable. The thought of Judy seeing actually scared her a bit. She knew it shouldn’t, but if nothing else it would probably ruin the mood.

Judy looked up at her wide-eyed again and hesitated for a moment before saying “yes I do.” She cautiously brought her hands back to where they were and finished unhooking, but didn’t move the garment at all, just held the back in place and looked up at Jen for permission.

Jen sighed “it’s okay,” she said softly. And with that Judy gently slid the straps down her arms until her chest was bared. The blonde was now unable to look down at the needy brown eyes that were provoking her. She stared off at nothing and didn’t move, suddenly wanting to hide.

Judy ran her eyes over the scarred chest in front of her, the misshapen, indented flesh that had been left behind. Just like Jen, it was nobody’s definition of perfect, but to Judy it was. She stared in admiration knowing Jen had given up a piece of herself to make sure she would be there for the ones she loved. She was disgusted that Ted had treated this as his loss when Jen was the one who had to lose an entire piece of herself. Judy felt almost guilty that Jen had paid so much attention to her own breasts, now realizing that whatever she did, Jen probably wouldn’t be able to feel it.

Now she could see a familiar quiver in the blonde’s bottom lip, the one that came with her attempt to hold back her helpless pout and the tears that came with it. This made her realize she’d been staring and hadn’t said a word, which was probably the worst thing she could do. Unsure of what to say, she said the first words that came into her head. “Yours are so much better than Bambi’s.”

Jen’s quiet sob muffled her laugh. She was smiling a bit now, but still teary-eyed. “You think?” she sniffled.

“Oh honey I  _ know _ ,” Judy said, “you’re beautiful. Fuck Ted. Honestly. You’re perfect.”

Jen tried to laugh and sniffled again, staring down at her friend’s adoring eyes. She knew she wasn’t perfect, of course, but Judy certainly looked at her like she was. It came as a shock when Judy brought her lips up to her chest and started kissing between what were once her breasts, then laying gentle kisses along the scar tissue that had little feeling left in it. After the surgery there was no feeling at all once the pain finally went away, there was too much nerve damage. Her doctor told her as she healed some of the feeling might come back; he was right,  _ some _ did, but it would never be the same. And Judy took the time to pepper her chest with kisses anyways. She couldn’t help but smile just a bit through her tears. No one had touched her there since the surgery, and that was enough to make her a bit more sensitive to Judy’s loving kisses, which she now closed her eyes and focused on, shutting out everything but the feeling of Judy’s soft, wet lips.

“So beautiful,” Judy whispered, pausing to admire the woman on top of her. She reached up with her thumb and wiped a tear from her eye. 

Jen sniffled again and leaned down to lay a chaste kiss on Judy’s lips. It was her way of saying thank you. Judy was feeling a bit more confident now and slid her hand back down the small of Jen’s back, running it over it panties, down her thigh, and back up to the thin lace that covered Jen’s ass. She ran her hand up under one side and squeezed, beginning her own private little exploration. 

Jen’s body was beginning to relax back into her, she soon closed her eyes again and laid her head on Judy’s shoulder, focusing on the sensation of Judy’s soft touch. “Oh,” she sighed contentedly, “yes.”

Since it had been so long for her, Jen was particularly sensitive to her friend’s touch, who was putting so much affection into everything she did. It wasn’t something Jen was used to, being treated like some precious thing that required so much love and care. Judy’s other hand was running up and down her back, lightly scratching with her nails to relax her. She’d been doing that for a while now, knowing Jen was feeling uneasy, and it was working. Jen hummed a soft “mmmm” into Judy’s shoulder. She wanted to lift herself up again and finish what she’d started, but she let herself relish in this feeling for a few moments longer.

 


	4. I'm a Naughty Girl, I'm a Nice Girl Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jen would also like to focus on Judy.

When she finally pushed herself up on her elbows, she told Judy, “I’m gonna take off your panties, okay?”

Judy nodded, her mouth hanging open just a bit. Jen didn’t really need to ask at this point, of course, but the way she said those words was enough for Judy’s belly to fill with the liquid heat of arousal. Jen was crawling down her body now, making her way down to the brunette’s thighs. The moment Jen hooked her fingers under the waistband of her panties she lifted her hips off the bed compliantly, letting Jen strip her now completely bare. Which reminded her, it was lush down there.

Jen stared down at the newfound territory and let out a quiet “ _ whew _ ,” causing Judy to snap her legs shut.

“Hey! Shut up, I told you!”Judy complained as she reached for the blanket to pull over her newly exposed skin. She found herself blushing yet again in front of the other woman.

Jen caught her hand before she could grab anything to cover herself. “Honey, I’m kidding. I’m just teasing you. Again,” she stared up at Judy, now straight-faced, “I think you are so sexy.”

Judy now relaxed a bit, glowing with flattery. It wasn’t long before Jens hands were under her thighs, lifting her legs and spreading them wide. Of course Jen didn’t go straight for it, she wanted to make Judy wait to get her satisfaction, so she started by kissing and nipping at the flesh of her inner thighs, which was making the girl squirm like crazy. Judy wanted to grab Jen’s head and push it to where she wanted it, but she knew better—Jen clearly wanted control, and she was willing to let her take it—so she moved her hands behind her own head instead, letting herself lean in, as Jen had put it. Jen placed an agonizingly gentle kiss on Judy’s now-exposed lips, which was torture at this point, and now she was squirming even more.

“ _ Ahhh _ , come on, Jen,” Judy whimpered.

Jen lifted her head for a moment to stare up at her. “What do you say?” she asked in what could only be described as her Mommy voice.

Judy raised her eyebrows hopefully. “Please?” she offered.

Jen smirked and descended yet again. Placing another kiss where she had before and opening her mouth to allow her tongue to begin traversing the new territory. She began working diligently. At first Judy was smiling and sighing happily, but now her mouth was open, her eyebrows knitted together, and her fingers were digging into she sheets. She moved a hand to grip Jen by the hair, whose eyes peered up at her with a suggestive wink. Seeing the blonde with her mouth on her pussy look up and  _ wink _ at her was almost enough to put her over the edge.  _ Almost _ . She was being a bit rough now, and Judy was already very sensitive, but she didn’t want her to stop. Not until a few locks of blonde hair slid over the most sensitive part of her thigh. She’d almost forgotten how ticklish she was. She could only hold back the giggle for so long. When she finally let it out Jen lifted up her head, making her groan at the loss of sensation but also snap her thighs shut protectively for fear of anymore tickling.

“What the  _ hell _ , Judy? My tongue is in your pussy and you’re  _ laughing _ ?” Jen was trying to act annoyed by Judy, but in reality she was afraid she might be getting laughed at for doing something wrong. This was her first time doing this, after all.

“No no I’m sorry,” she was still giggling a bit. “Your hair it just . . . tickles.”

Jen shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Alright well,” Jen pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail and tied it up like she was gearing up for battle. She grabbed Judy’s legs and pushed them as wide as they could go, lifting them up a bit higher than they were before, leaving Judy in a far more compromising position.  _ Talk about vulnerable _ , Judy thought. But it was enough to keep hair from falling into the wrong spaces. Jen placed her hands on Judy’s knees and looked her in the eyes. “If something tickles, just pull my hair, okay?”

Judy nodded a bit embarrassedly,  _ why _ did she have to be so ticklish? Especially now of all times. She soon forgot about her little laughing episode when Jen’s mouth was on her again. 

“Tell me,” Jen said from between her legs, “What were you thinking about? When I first came in?” she asked this nonchalantly before continuing her work.

Judy felt her whole face heat up at the mortifying memory. She hesitated before saying “you,” but added, “can we just— _ ahhh, fuck _ —can we never speak of that again?”

Jen paused for just a moment to ask “what  _ about _ me?” before moving her mouth back in place.

“Can we . . .” Judy breathed heavily “can we not? I’m too . . .” She let out a soft moan, “I can’t really talk right now.”

Jen looked up at her, raising her eyebrows. “Tell me or I’ll stop.”

Judy groaned in frustration. “Fine, fine,” she breathed, “but Jen I’m really close,” she barely got this out before Jen’s lips wrapped around her clit and sucked maybe a bit too hard, making her shriek. “Okay, okay,” she sighed, “well we went to a gay bar, like you— _ ahh _ —like you said earlier. And you were . . . dancing on me like you danced with that guy. The hunk. You’re— _ mmm _ —you’re so hot when you dance by the way. You really should be a dancer.” The moment she stopped talking Jen stopped with her. She groaned again and continued, knowing it was her only choice if she wanted to finish tonight. “Okay okay. We were pretending to be a couple. You were grinding on me. People kept t— _ fuck _ , Jen—telling us we were a hot couple. We started making out and you took me into the bathroom and—“

Judy could  _ feel _ Jen smirking against her skin. She couldn’t say the next part, how could she? It was exactly what Jen wanted to hear and probably another reason to tease her. Jen stopped now and laid a gentle kiss on her pubic hair. Judy was getting desperate now. 

“You keep going and I’ll keep going,” Jen said in that low, sultry voice that drove her insane. 

“Okay,” Judy groaned, “you pushed me into a stall and— _ ahh _ —up against the wall and pinned my hands up over my head. And you started kissing me and being really rough with me and—do I really need to say? Isn’t it obvious?” Jen stopped now, not prompting her this time. “Alright. You hiked up my dress and you—oh  _ Jesus _ —you stuck your hand down the front of my panties and you— _ f-fuck _ —you had your fingers in me and you were being so rough with me and I— _ ahh! _ —and that’s when— _ mmm _ —that’s when you walked in and saw me,” she panted, hoping that was enough. Apparently it was because Jen picked up the pace, knowing how close she’d been for so long and how easy it would be to send her over the edge. Judy dug her fingers into Jen’s hair and held tight.

Jen could tell how close she was, her back was now arching off the bed and she was whimpering with satisfaction. She picked up the pace as much as she physically could when she felt Judy’s thighs tighten around her head, shaking uncontrollably. She was now practically whining, murmuring a breathy, “ _ fuck. Jesus, Jen,”  _ along with her helpless panting. Jen kept at it until Judy was pushing her head away, legs trembling. “Okay  _ okay _ , my poontang needs a rest.”

Amused, Jen crawled back up until she was hovering over Judy’s shining face, her fringe now sticking to her forehead, the rest of her hair matted beyond repair. Jen pressed a gentle kiss onto Judy’s now-stringy bangs. This brought a soft smile to the brunette’s lips, who was glowing with ecstasy, still trembling hard. 

“Am I like, your first?” Jen asked sarcastically, “you’re shaking so hard, sweetie.”

Judy forced a laugh, still shaking. “Shut up.”

Jen laid gentle kisses over her neck, lightly stroking her thigh with the tips of her fingers. “So . . . Maybe we  _ should _ hit up a gay bar sometime,” Jen whispered suggestively.

“Mmm oh  _ god _ ,” Judy threw both hands over her face, remembering what she’d just described, “how about we don’t talk about that.”

“You don’t have to cover your face, Judy, I know you’re blushing,” Jen teased as she pulled the girl’s hands away.

“Ugh!” Judy huffed, her now-red face contorting with embarrassment.

Jen smiled softly at her, finding her reaction endearing. But she decided to stop teasing and bring her lips to meet Judy’s once again.

Judy was grinning sleepily at her when they separated, dizzy with infatuation. “You taste like my pussy,” she laughed.

Jen raised her eyebrows, “no shit,” she muttered before continuing their kiss, only stopping to whisper, “and you taste so good,” an inch from Judy’s lips.

The grin was wiped off Judy’s face now as the words flooded her with a new wave of arousal, and she could only stare up at Jen until she ended their kiss. Trying to play it cool, she said “I know I do.”


	5. I'm a Naughty Girl, Anything for You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding

Jen smirked at that and climbed off of her to lay beside her in bed. They both lay still for a moment, staring up at the ceiling and breathing heavily, until Judy rolled to face Jen, and raised herself up with the support of her elbow. “I wanna do you now,” she said with as much confidence as she could muster.

“Well, what are you waiting for then?” Jen asked before rolling over slightly to face the brunette. 

She paused a moment, trying to come up with some excuse, but the truth came out instead.

“Well I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never done this before.”

Jen raised an eyebrow, that seemed like an obvious thing to say since this was a first for both of them. “And you think I  _ have _ ?”

Judy shook her head. She assumed Jen hadn’t either, but she wasn’t  _ like  _ Jen. “No that’s not it, but it’s different. You’re—“

“I’m  _ what _ ? How’s it different?” Jen’s eyebrows were furrowed now.

“You’re not afraid of screwing up like I am, because  _ you _ never do.  _ I _ always do.”

Jen let out an endeared little, “oh,” and reached up to push some of Judy’s loose hair behind her ear. “Don’t worry. If you fuck up I’ll just make fun of you again.”

Judy shook her head and laughed “that’s very comforting, thanks,” she said sarcastically, but it actually sort of was; the lightheartedness of it. “Do you wanna get off or not?”

Jen laughed at that, “come on, I’ll help you, how’s that? I’ll show you what I like. And you can ask me whatever questions you want.”

Judy smiled and said “okay,” in a chipper fashion before climbing on top of Jen, now very aware of her nakedness. She lowered her head down to kiss Jen hard, placing one hand under her neck to pull her as close as possible. Jen’s hands moved to her back, gently stroking with her fingertips in the relaxing manner Judy had used before. She continued until Judy made her way down to her neck, kissing and sucking gently in the most sensitive spots, making her skin prickle with goosebumps. The good kind of goosebumps. “Oh yeah,” she whispered. Her hands made their way down to Judy’s ass which she squeezed and rubbed as Judy moaned softly against her neck. “Hey, no hickeys, okay? I’m somebody’s mother.”

Judy giggled against her neck and continued peppering her with kisses.

“We’ll see,” Judy teased.

“Hey!” Jen said sternly with just a bit of real anger. She  _ really _ couldn’t have a hickey on her neck when she went back home to the boys. Or when she went back to work. Her hand came down hard on Judy’s ass.

“ _ Ouch! _ ” Judy shot back up to a sitting position, “Hey! That hurt.”

Jen rolled her eyes, “alright don’t be  _ dramatic _ . But I’m serious, no marks.”

Judy snorted, rubbing the red mark Jen had left on her ass cheek, “fine,” she murmured before continuing her exploration.

Jen soon remembered she was supposed to be helping, “here,” she said softly before grabbing one of Judy’s hands and bringing it down until it was under the waistline of her panties. Judy’s fingers felt so small and soft compared to any others that had touched her there, and she found that comforting. She let out a soft hum of arousal at the contact. It was nice to know someone she trusted as much as Judy was the first to touch her here in what  _ felt _ like decades. 

“Whoa,” Judy said, pausing her efforts for just a moment. 

Jen hummed proudly, “I know.”

Judy rubbed her fingers over the smooth, bald skin under her panties. “You were  _ very _ prepared,” she remarked.

“Well I  _ was _ hoping to get laid.”

Judy nodded, “yeah, too bad you won’t,” she teased.

“I know, so disappointing, right?”

Judy chuckled before bringing her lips to Jen’s collarbone and sliding her hand deeper. Her hands were greeted immediately by warm wetness, she was almost in disbelief at how wet Jen was. She hadn’t had her fingers in anyone else before, of course, but she couldn’t remember ever being this wet herself. “Wow Jen,” she looked up at the woman who was now moaning softly at the new contact, “is this  _ your _ first time?”

“ _ Mmm _ , shut the fuck up. It’s been a while,” Jen muttered, making Judy chuckle before continuing her cautious exploration. She starting kissing down Jen’s chest again, slowly and gently. Jen began to visibly tense up.

“Is this okay?” Judy asked timidly.

Jen’s eyes were shut tight, and her eyebrows knitted together, but she nodded.

“It’ll just take some getting used to,” she admitted.

“Your breasts are perfect, Jen.”

“Well they’re not mine.”

Judy sighed at that. “Yes they are. They’re yours. They’re a part of you now. Who else’s could they be?”

Judy heard Jen sniffle, but then let out a soft laugh and said, “maybe yours if you keep doing that.”

Judy grinned against her friend’s soft flesh, feeling a hint of pride in having relaxed her just a bit. She continued her very thorough exploration of Jen’s chest, making sure to kiss every inch of it knowing no one else had. The scars were a bit scary to look at, but only because she could only imagine the pain her friend must have been in for the weeks after. She wanted Jen to know she wasn’t afraid, and wasn’t here to take pity on her, she was just praising her body the way she should. 

Eventually the gentle strokes of Judy’s fingers within Jen’s wetness were becoming torturous; she needed to shift her focus there. Jen was now bucking against her fingers. “Oh come on, Judy, you can be rougher than that. I’m not gonna break,” she panted.

“Right! Right,” Judy said, not really knowing what to do. 

“Harder, Judy. More pressure. Just make tight little circles with your fingertips,” Judy complied with some uncertainty, “just a tiny bit higher, sweetie. You’re doing fine, okay?”

Judy nodded, continuing her ministrations. “I think I’d do better if I took these off,” Judy laid a soft kiss on Jen’s taut abdomen and hooked her fingers under the waistband of her last remaining garment, tugging gently. Jen reached down took hold of them, lifting her hips to tug them off herself before letting Judy pull them down the length of her legs. “Fuck, Jen. How do you  _ look _ like that?” Judy asked at the sight of Jen’s long, toned legs

Jen thought back to all of her angry, insomnia-fueled nights on her exercise bike, that being the only way she could channel all of her rage. “Spinning?” she suggested, with a bit of an arrogant smirk.

“You’ll have to coach me,” Judy said as she kissed her way down from Jen’s navel. 

Jen was about to make a snarky comment back, but her thoughts were disrupted as Judy’s mouth made its way down to the apex of her thigh. Knowing Judy wasn’t much for taking initiative, she bent her knees and spread her legs invitingly. Judy did nothing but stare in astonishment for a moment. “God,” she said to herself, “you  _ are _ heaven on a stick.” She lowered herself closer, running a hand up Jen’s toned leg, sliding her thumb across the space where her wet lips met her inner thigh. “Wow, you even shaved here, this is the hardest part, how do you even do this without knicking yourself?” Judy asked, exploring Jen a bit with both of her thumbs.

“Judy, seriously, you’re starting to kill the vibe here. Your face is like a foot from my vagina could you please just— _ oh _ .”

Jen was cut off by Judy’s sudden dive, her thumbs spreading Jen open in front of her to make room for her tongue, which she snaked inside of her, eager to taste her. She paused for a moment to say “I’m sorry,” for having apparently killed the vibe before. Following her apology she dove back in immediately. Wrapping her lips around Jen’s clit and sucking just a bit, mostly to hear her reaction.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Jen moaned as she reached down and grabbed a fistful of the brunette’s hair, tugging just hard enough for it to sting. Jen was panting heavily, like nothing Judy had ever heard.

Judy had very little room for mobility with Jen’s thighs clamping down hard on either side of her head and her hand holding her by the hair, but she snaked two fingers underneath her chin and into the depths of Jen’s wetness, curling them up to match the rhythm of her tongue. Jen was practically whimpering, coming so undone that she was shamelessly begging Judy not to stop.

When she started getting a bit more sloppy, Jen didn’t seem to mind. Judy messily assaulted her with her tongue, using the suction of her lips on the most sensitive part of Jen again and again, maybe sucking a bit too hard now and then.

Jen squeezed Judy’s head even tighter, with both her hand and her thighs, probably pulling out some of her hair. Her free hand balled up the hotel sheets so tight she might’ve ripped a hole in them. Her hand held Judy’s head perfectly in place; she was in just the right spot and Jen wasn’t about to let her move out of place. “Oh God, oh  _ fuck. _ Fuck, Judy,  _ right _ there, stay right there.  _ Ahhh! _ Fuck, I’m so close, baby, don’t stop,” she pleaded. Judy complied, only speeding up and applying more pressure as Jen’s shaky thighs squeezed her tighter and tighter. Her back was arching now, she was moaning louder and panting harder, so loud Judy thought some grievers might start complaining, but she didn’t stop her. She knew Jen must’ve been finished when she heard a distinctive “Jesus,  _ fuck _ , Judy!” from above her and felt Jen’s hips fall back to the bed. Jen panted heavily as the other woman crawled her way back to meet her face “you didn’t . . .” she breathed, “need my help.”

Judy couldn’t shake the shit-eating grin plastered on her face. “I guess I didn’t,” she wiped a hand under her dripping chin. She laid a soft kiss on Jen’s lips before bringing her soaking fingers to her mouth.

Jen realized what she was offering, she wrapped her lips around Judy’s two middle fingers, closed her eyes, and sucked greedily, relishing in her own taste.

Judy at her wide-eyed, her mouth falling open. She sighed, “God, have I mentioned how hot you are?” She slipped her fingers out of Jen’s mouth, who pretended to ponder that for a moment.

“Hmmm. Don’t think you have.”

“Ah, I was just wondering,” Judy teased.

Jen chuckled and rolled her eyes.

“Hey,” Judy propped herself up on her elbows, “when’s the last time someone . . . you know,” she gestured downwards.

Jen turned towards her, “you mean the last time someone gave me  _ head _ ?”

“Yeah. That.”

After contemplating for a few moments, Jen sighed, “not to sound fucking depressing but I can’t even remember. Ted wouldn’t do it much even when we  _ were _ having sex.”

“Ugh,” Judy groaned, “men suck.”

“Yeah,” Jen replied softly, “yeah they do.”

Judy ran her fingertips gently up and down Jen’s bare hip, “I wouldn’t have guessed you were so  _ loud _ ,” she said without looking up.

Jen’s face scrunched up at that, “shut the fuck up.”

“No no, I didn’t mean it in a  _ bad _ way. I think it’s sexy,” she said, still not looking up.

Jen snorted, “Yeah well, I’m sure our neighbors here didn’t,” she pointed her thumb back to the wall behind their bed. Judy just shrugged. She didn’t really care if they pissed off anyone else in the hotel, they’d be gone tomorrow anyways.

“I liked that,” she said quietly, hoping Jen would say the same.

“Looked like you did,” she said indifferently.

Judy chewed her bottom lip, thinking. “Well, did you?”

Jen looked her in the eyes and raised her eyebrows. “Do you even need to ask that?”

Judy’s cheeks were going red again, but for once out of bashfulness rather than embarrassment. “I just didn’t think you were . . . into me like that.”

“Yeah well, it’s a new development for me too.”

“Oh, okay,” Judy said, trying to mask her disappointment. It was stupid to think their feelings had been mutual, or that Jen had been thinking about her in the same way, but part of her hoped she might have.

“Hey,” Jen ran a thumb over the smooth skin of her cheek, “we both know I’m not one to confront my feelings well . . . at all. You know I love you. I’ve just never really considered women . . . like that.”

“Not even a little crush?”

Jen shrugged, “I mean, maybe, how would I know? Maybe I have and didn’t realize what it was. Anyways, do we have to over analyze this right now?”

Judy’s sighed, “no, sorry.”

“Hey,” Jen placed the bend of her finger under Judy’s chin, guiding the small woman to look her in the eyes. “Don’t do that.”

Judy’s eyes opened a bit wider, seemingly nervous, “do what?”

“Get all emotional on me. We’re having fun here, aren’t we?”

Judy frowned but nodded slowly. 

Jen sighed, “Sorry. I don’t mean to be an asshole. I just don’t wanna overthink this right now.”

“I get it,” Judy propped herself up on her elbow, “can we . . . do this again?”

Jen raised her eyebrows, “listen I don’t know about you but I’m tired. I’m not 22 anymore.”

Judy shook her head, “no I just meant—, I didn’t mean right  _ now. _ I just meant . . . Do you  _ want _ this to happen again?”

“Ah. Well, I mean, I don’t see why not.”

Judy smiled giddily, not saying anything but tucking her head under Jen’s chin, resting on her chest and laying a hand flat between her breasts. It felt a bit strange to her, being so used to Steve’s broad, muscular frame, but Jen was so much softer; so much more delicate. It made her feel safe. 

Jen took a breath, trying to decide whether she liked this or not, but couldn’t help the soft smile that came over her lips as she wrapped both arms around the smaller woman, pulling her as close as possible and gliding her fingers over the smooth skin of her back. “Thank you,” she said softly, hearing a sleepy “for what?” in response. “Just, everything. All of that. I haven’t felt that good in a while.”

Judy hummed contentedly against her chest, snuggling herself in a bit closer. “You deserve to feel good,” she whispered. 

“I don’t know about that,” Jen ran her fingers through her friend’s hair and stared up at the ceiling, “but thank you.”


	6. Fly with Me . . .

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's call it a grief hangover.

After a bout of silence, Jen realized Judy might have fallen asleep on her chest. While she probably should have expected it, she was surprised Judy hadn’t said anything before letting herself fall asleep; Judy was one who never wanted to be an inconvenience and was often making sure she wasn’t. Jen expected her to at least ask “Is this comfortable for you?” or “Is it okay if I stay like this?” but she must have been exhausted. Unsure of whether or not she  _ was _ comfortable, Jen shifted around underneath her multiple times, realizing she was effectively trapped. Never having been a ‘cuddly’ sleeper, she was feeling a bit uneasy, but eventually she allowed herself to relax and enjoy the closeness of it. And anyways, if there was anyone in this world she would let fall asleep on top of her, it would be Judy Hale.

She actually fell asleep a lot faster and slept a lot better than she had in a very long time, much like the night she fell asleep on the phone with Judy. She slept, that is, until Judy started to squirm and moan and kick at about five in the morning. Jen really didn’t want to wake her, but the woman was becoming more and more distraught, having now rolled away. Finally giving in to her instincts, Jen gripped Judy’s shoulder and gently shook her, causing her to jolt awake with a loud gasp, breathing heavily and sweating profusely.

“Hey. Hey!” Jen whispered, “Are you okay? You woke me up.”

Judy stared at her in total confusion, heart still pumping. She awoke so disoriented it took her a moment to remember where she was, or why she was naked. Jen could see the gears turning in her head, and the moment it all clicked into place, she shook her head and seemed to blink away the confusion. “Sorry um, I’m sorry I must have been having a nightmare. But I’m sorry for waking you up.”

Jen took a deep breath, “Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. Are you okay? What was the nightmare about?”

Judy’s eyes widened, remembering the skidding of burnt rubber, the sound of glass shattering, the sound of Steve yelling at her, telling her to “ _ drive, stupid! _ ” all replaying in her head. She took in a shaky breath and forced a lie. “I can’t remember,” she says quietly.

Jen sighed, “well you seem really shaken up. Are you gonna be able to go back to sleep?”

Staring up at Jen’s soft, bright blue eyes, Judy chewed her bottom lip. She wanted to tell her everything. She wanted that more than anything, but knew she couldn’t, so she nodded. “I’ll be fine. Could you maybe just . . . hold me? It would calm my nerves.”

“I  _ have _ been, sweetie,” she said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. She could see the sadness in Judy’s eyes at the comment; looking like a kicked puppy. She looked down at her and gave her a reassuring smile, realizing she wasn’t being very considerate with her feelings, even if she was only kidding with her. “Of course I can,” she leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Roll over.”

A hint of a smile played its way over Judy’s lips before she rolled to face away from her clearly exhausted friend. Jen’s hand wrapped around her middle securely before the warmth of her naked body came to rest against the back of her own. She held Jen’s arm with her own, interlocking their fingers before she finally closed her eyes again. “This is nice,” Judy hummed softly. 

“You’re right, it is,” Jen admitted, “now go to sleep.” Judy smiled to herself before eventually drifting off again. She had an easier time than Jen did, but Jen eventually fell asleep too, squeezing the naked woman’s body close to her like a teddy bear or a security blanket, smelling the calming coconut fragrance that came from her hair. Men never smelled that good, she thought.

It wasn’t until long after the sun came up that Jen snuck out of bed, slowly detaching herself from the other woman carefully enough not to wake her before getting in the shower. She hoped Judy wouldn’t be upset to wake up alone, but she couldn't lay in bed anymore, she was growing too antsy, and the hot shower was comforting.

When Judy woke up she found herself all alone. For a moment she’d forgotten she’d fallen asleep with anyone in the first place, but with the realization of her nakedness came the disappointment of finding herself left alone. She wondered where Jen might’ve gone until she realized the shower was running in the bathroom. After stretching, sitting up, rubbing her eyes and willing herself to get out from beneath the warmth of the covers, she made her way to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth, hoping Jen wouldn’t mind her being in there while she showered.

Judy knocked gently on the door and pushed it open a few inches. “Jen? I’m just gonna come in and wash my face if that’s okay?”

She waited until she heard “yeah, go ahead,” before pushing her way into the bathroom, which was flooded with steam, the mirror completely fogged. “Jesus, Jen,” she pumped some of her face soap into her hands and began scrubbing at her face, “how long have you been in there?”

Jen didn’t answer the question. All she heard was a sniffle, and of course Judy knew what that meant. Drying off her face and stepping a bit closer to the shower, she asked “Jen? Are you okay?”

There came a very unconvincing “yeah” from behind the curtain that made Judy worry even more. “No you’re not.”

Jen quickly peeled back the curtain enough to show her head, “of course I’m not fucking okay, my husband was cheating on me with a twelve year old,” she punctuated her statement by yanking the curtain closed again. Judy was at a loss for words at that little outburst, so she stayed silent until she heard a muffled “sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Judy sighed, “do you wanna . . . talk about it?”

She heard Jen take in a heaving sob. “I just wanna stay in here.”

“You can stay in there,” Judy said meekly. She approached the other end of the shower curtain; debating stepping in. Of course she wanted to comfort her friend, but she was afraid she’d be met with something like “Judy! What the fuck?” if she stepped in, which would be all the more mortifying since she was completely naked. But she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and stepped in.

“Oh, Jesus, Judy,” Jen said before turning away from the other woman to hide her red, tear-stained face.

“Sorry. Yeah. I can go if-”

Jen sniffled and rubbed her face. “No, it’s okay, I just didn’t expect company in here,” she tried to laugh but the noise came as another sob.

Judy slowly approached her from behind, placing a hand on her shoulder. Unable to resist the consolation of Judy’s touch, Jen turned around and immediately hid her face in the crook of the other woman’s neck and shoulder, feeling her warm, wet arms wrapping around her securely in the same moment. She returned the gesture, sobbing quietly into her shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she forced through her sobs.

“Why are you sorry?” Judy asked, sounding concerned as she stroked her back softly.

“For being such a fucking basketcase. I need to get my shit together, Judy. I  _ need _ to get my shit together,” she sobbed, “if not for you, for my boys.”

Judy squeezed her tighter, her lips now pursed and eyebrows slanted sympathetically. “Okay,” she whispered, continuing to rub her wet skin as she sobbed. After a beat, she asked, “what happened? I mean, I know what happened but, you seemed so happy yesterday.”

“Yeah, well,” Jen sniffed, “I was distracted. I was  _ really _ trying to enjoy myself. And I was. I was drinking and having a good time. But when I woke up, sober, I don’t know. I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

Judy sighed, “You could have woken me up to talk about it, you know.”

“I know. But I was angry and I just, didn’t wanna end up taking it out on you. You’ve been so good to me. You don’t deserve that.”

_ Yes I do _ , Judy thought,  _ I probably do _ . But she didn’t say that, just hugged her tighter and nodded.

“I hate him,” Jen whispered. 

Judy slowly nodded again. “That’s okay,” was all she could say.

“I don’t wanna hate him, Judy,” Jen broke into a whole new round of sobs, “I don’t wanna feel any of this shit anymore. I know I’m supposed to forgive him and that’s part of the healing process or whatever but,” she was crying too hard now and couldn’t say anymore, but she didn’t need to.

“I know, I know,” Judy whispered, “maybe you don’t need to. Not everyone grieves the same way. Maybe you’re better off if you don’t.”

“Yeah,” Jen cried softly, “I just feel like this is never gonna go away. No matter what I do or where I go it’s always there.”

Judy started to tear up now too, knowing she was the cause of her friend feeling like this, even if Ted did have a big hand in it. “I wish you didn’t feel like that,” she whispered, trying to hide in her voice the fact that she had started to cry as well.

“Well I do,” Jen paused and lifted her head from Judy’s shoulder, trying to rub her tears away, “because someone ripped my life apart.”

Judy could hear the anger that had made its way back into Jen’s tone. Now tears were streaming down her own face too. 

She was having a hard time hiding the shame in her face, but she rubbed Jen’s upper arm and said “I hate that person,” and God, did she mean it. She really wanted to disappear, but she knew she didn’t deserve that privilege.

Jen nodded slowly, rubbing her eyes with both hands, breathing in the occasional hiccupping sob.

“If anyone can get through this, Jen, it’s you,” Judy said in all sincerity.

Jen sniffled, “thanks.”

“Now can I get you to come out of the shower before we both pass out from all this steam?”

Jen chuckled and sobbed, nodding.

“Good,” Judy reached behind her friend and shut the water off, “let’s get you dried off,” she said soothingly. Jen nodded again. She stayed in place while Judy got out of the shower to get her a dry towel. After stepping out, Judy tied a towel securely around herself and opened the shower curtain, holding up a towel for Jen to step into, her being immediately enveloped in a warm, dry hug. Jen laid her wet head on Judy’s bare shoulder again, letting Judy hold her and rub her back over the fabric of the towel.

“We’re gonna get through this together,” Judy whispered, “I’m gonna be there every step of the way.”


	7. . . . Come On, Rocksteady

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick makes a bit of a cameo.

Judy essentially begged Jen if she could blow dry her hair for her, which prompted a very confused response, but Judy wanted to feel the intimacy of the little chore. She imagined if she ever had a daughter she would love the time spent drying her hair when she didn’t want her to go to bed with it wet. When she told Jen this she was even less willing to let her, not wanting to act as some sort of surrogate daughter. Especially given how weird that would be with  the sort of relationship they had. But Judy told her it wasn’t about that, and convinced her it would be relaxing; like a massage, and that was enough for her to get on board. 

The hairdryer was attached to the bathroom wall by a long wire, so they had to do it in there, but Jen still let it happen. After retrieving the lone chair from the hotel room desk, Judy placed it in front of the sink and motioned for Jen to sit in it. Jen sat and let Judy run her fingers through her hair, detangling it just a bit. She apologized for every little snag, but Jen hardly noticed. The blonde was content in sitting in an uncomfortable chair wrapped in a towel and letting Judy detangle and towel dry her hair. She had been right; it felt just like a scalp massage, the way Judy did it, anyways. The only other person who had done this for her was her mother, and she now regretted the few times when she was a teenager when she said she was too old for her to do that. But even then, it wasn’t as relaxing as when Judy did it. Jen kept her eyes closed the entire time, focusing on the sensation of it. 

After detangling and towel-drying her hair, Judy began blow-drying, humming to herself, assuming Jen couldn’t hear her over the blow drier. “ _ Drowning . . . in the sea of love, where everyone . . . would love to drown _ ,” she sang under her breath, running a comb through Jen’s damp hair.

“ _ Mmmm _ ,” Jen hummed in relaxation, “are you a hairdresser or are you Stevie Nicks? Pick one, honey.”

Judy blushed, not knowing Jen could hear her. “Sorry. I didn’t think you could hear me. I’ll stop.”

Jen laughed, “No no, keep going. Whatever your heart desires. As long as you keep doing what you’re doing.”

Eventually Judy continued, singing to herself: “ _ When you build your house, then please call me home . . . _ ” 

Jen was smiling to herself, knowing her friend was content enough to be comfortably lost in her own little world. She’d almost fallen asleep in that crappy wooden chair when she heard Judy say “Okay, all done!”

Jen looked in the mirror and was surprised to see she’d done such a good job with her hair. “Thank you,” the blonde smiled at her reflection, “you did a good job.”

Judy was glowing with pride, feeling more satisfied and content than ever, but she tried to hide the pride she was beaming with. “You have such beautiful hair.”

“Thanks, I dye it once a month,” Jen laughed, “but I appreciate it.”

After the two shed their towels and got dressed and made up for the day, Judy convinced Jen to come to the complimentary breakfast downstairs, since all the grievers on the retreat would be there and they might be able to meet new people. Jen was fine with attending this, given that there would be free food, but she didn’t really care to meet new people. She tried that already the night before, and it only made her realize Judy was all she needed. She’d found her person already.

When they got downstairs, Judy was far too interested in the waffle iron to pay attention to any other people there. She was almost begging Jen to split one with her, because she wanted to make one just to play with the iron, but didn’t actually want to eat the whole thing. Jen told her no, it was too much sugar, and didn’t understand what got her so excited about these stupid little things, even if it was  _ sort of _ endearing.

On about the fourth time Jen told her no, a man who was waiting in line told her he’d love to share one with her. Judy immediately recognized him; he’d been singing  _ Drive _ by the Cars the night before at Carry-on Oke and actually had a very nice voice. “Sure!” she said, beaming at him, “you performed last night, didn’t you? I thought you were amazing, I love that song.”

“Really? Well thank you, that was me,” he said bashfully, “I’m Nick.”

He reached out a hand and Judy shook it, “I’m Judy,” she smiled.

Jen made a little groan-type sound to herself, a bit disgusted by the display. It was apparently loud enough for Judy to hear, because she now acknowledged her. “Oh! And this is my friend, Jen.”

“Hi, Jen,” Nick reached out to shake her hand but she scoffed and hesitated before reaching out to take it.

“Hi,” she muttered with annoyance, “I’m going back to the table. I’ll see you there, baby.”

A little look of realization flashed over Nick’s eyes at the term of endearment, and Judy laughed awkwardly, knowing this interaction wouldn’t go the same way anymore. Nick now waited awkwardly for his half and after taking it left with “well, I’ll see you ‘round.”

Judy was left shocked after the display that just occurred. Was Jen  _ jealous _ ? Of some stranger? When she sat down across from Jen, she kept her blue eyes fixed immovably on her plate. “Enjoying your breakfast?” Judy asked somewhat awkwardly.

“I guess,” Judy said indifferently, “why didn’t you go eat breakfast with your new boyfriend?”

Judy tried to stifle her laugh. “Jen. What is this? Are you jealous of some guy I met for five minutes?”

Jen said nothing, just continued to eat silently.

Judy sighed and dug into her waffle, “not gonna say anything?”

Jen huffed with frustration and put her fork down. “You were flirting with him.”

“I mean, not really, but even if I was, so what?” Judy raised an eyebrow, “am I . . . not allowed to flirt with men?”

Sighing heavily, Jen sat back in her chair, unable to look at the brunette across from me, “of course you’re  _ allowed _ ,” she muttered.

“ _ Okay _ ,” Judy said in a drawn out way, trying to urge her friend to continue.

“It’s just, I don’t know, I kind of want this thing with you to . . . continue happening. If you don’t want it to that’s fine but-“

Judy stopped her, “I do.”

“Okay, well, I’d just appreciate not having to watch you immediately look for a newer model.”

Judy’s heart sunk a bit, she hadn’t meant to make Jen feel like she was replaceable, or anything less than her first priority. Especially after she  _ just _ found out Ted had done exactly that. “I’m so sorry, Jen,” she placed her hand across the table in the hopes that Jen would take it.

After a few moments of hesitation, she did. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not you, it’s just all of this shit with Ted fucking with my head. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Judy nodded slowly, “maybe not. But I think you make a good point. I’d like to, maybe give things a shot? It doesn’t have to be anything serious but, maybe we can just have each other for a little while.”

Jen nodded solemnly, “I like that. We’ll wait and see where it goes. Just us for a little while. No men.”

“No men,” Judy repeated.

Jen paused and took a shaky breath. “Don’t feel like you need to say yes to this but, would you like to stop sleeping in the guest house and,” another pause, “maybe start sleeping with me?”

“Start sleeping with you? Hmm that’s a hard one. Haven’t done that before,” Judy feigned considering the idea. 

Jen rolled her eyes, “so is that a yes?”

Judy smiled and nodded, “of course.”

Trying to hide the smile tugging at her lips, Jen picked up her fork and started eating again. 

“Someone’s giddy. Like a schoolgirl,” Judy teased with a huge grin plastered on her face.

Jen chuckled, “shut the fuck up, you’re lucky you’re so fucking cute.”

After another bout of silence, Judy chimed in with “you called me ‘baby’ in front of him. Was that you being territorial?” she asked with her eyes glued to Jen, a little smirk tugging at one corner of her lip.

“I guess it was,” Jen shrugged, “sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Judy said giddily, “I liked it.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all liked where this ended because the next piece of the series won't be connected to this story. However, I'm considering doing a Part II of this story later in the series and will definitely indicate it if it is.  
> (Also, wanted to note that the first 3 chapter titles are from Steady, As She Goes by the Raconteurs and the last 4 are from Rocksteady by Wild Belle, which is the song that plays when they discover who Bambi is in episode 4.)

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments. If you like it I'll keep the series going. And let me know if there are any scenes you that you think could have been gay that I can write; although I already have many in mind.


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